Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
