So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh god it's open bar.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
