the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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