I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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