Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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