Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just found puke in my bra..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
