hotel room ftw
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
