Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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