life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
