and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
