Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
