His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
