What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
