dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
