Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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