i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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