I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
