Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
