I'm so fucking centered right now
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize
