I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
