last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were trust falling into bushes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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