I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
