i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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