you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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