giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
