you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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