Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
