The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
