Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
