i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
