Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
