We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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