ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
