The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
