Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
