Don't you send me to vm
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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