He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
