I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
