In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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