How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
