I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
