Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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