You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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