What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
