you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
