I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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