doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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