Me. At least after what I've been through.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
