Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
