sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
