Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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