You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
