RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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