I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I had to cum in my sink.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
