its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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