I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
the raccoons are back...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
