My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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