Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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