I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
