i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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