is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
