I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
