Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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