Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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